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The Praise Feels Better Than the Healing

The praises I got from my 10 days of self-care meant more than the activities themselves. When I did my counseling session the three cards that came up were sensuality, self-confidence, and pleasure. My thing is, I tell people often what I like doing, but they always see it as working. They don’t realize I made something out of what I enjoyed. Yes, it’s a job as in I have to show up and do to make money, but I enjoy all of what I do.

I know it’s the saying that you don’t miss something until it’s gone, but I’ve always made a conscious effort to appreciate what I had while having it. That doesn’t mean I won’t still be disappointed when it leaves, I’d say a person is more disappointed because they knew exactly what they had before it was removed.

People project more than they realize. And maybe they’re right in what they’re saying, but often times people fail to dig deeper for greater context. I recently did 10 days of self-care which included float therapy, mental counseling, spiritual reading, tarot reading, human design reading, full body stretch, massage, destroy room, sitting at lunch by myself, getting my favorite donuts, time alone, time with family, time with friends, reiki, and I can honestly say, the activities were cool, but what meant more was the praise and recognition I got from telling others what I did.

When I told people what I did they were so excited about the activities. I told everyone that they were cool but not satisfying. My most fun were the activities digging into my spirit. The reiki, readings, and massage. That where I felt like I was making progress in what I needed. Because I’ve been saying for quite a time that I just need people pouring into me. The gift and the curse of being conscious to where you know what you need, but not how to get it. So when it came up in my readings of how much I do towards and for others and that I wasn’t being poured into, all I could think of was “Duh, I’ve been telling people that.”

Two lyrics constantly ring off in my mind and that’s JAY-Z “Everybody wanna know what my achilleas heel is, LOVE! I don’t get enough of it.” And Joe Budden “Momma said wherever imma go I’m taking me with me.” It kills me how much I’m told about releasing, not thinking, not doing, clearing, etc., and my human design gave me answers to why I’m always so active and why I think so much. It was called an undefined head and root center and an undefined identity.

An undefined head center means that my mind is not just always going, but it’s always connecting dots. When people say the brain is a computer, well mind is always computing, always connecting dots. And when it comes to the root, mine is always looking for the next task. I always knew myself to get right on what I needed to do, even if I was done what I needed to for the day I figure let me get started on what I would need to do tomorrow. The undefined identity was very encouraging to me. Typically we hear of an identity and feel that we must attach ourselves to something or that there’s a specific pinpoint of who, what, and why and the intricacy of us. In this case it meant being mono vs poly when it comes to who you are.

Having an undefined root center Jacqui (human design reader) described it as a chameleon. That no one way works for me and that I adjust to my environments. Yes, all of us as humans do so, but those who are undefined, flow into it and not have to consciously adjust. It also spoke on the seeking of validation. I’m not going deep into that but the basics is I want people to acknowledge what I put out because of all the work I put in to do so.

Soon the day will come where it will all make sense. Where I no longer have to listen to those telling me don't listen. And can have more proof to show for my whys.

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