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I have no idea what to do with my life currently. I'm too smart for ground level, but don't have the resources or knowledge of how to be in the rooms I'd be best in. And a misconception is that I be doing a bunch of shit just to do it. I know I'm skilled and rather attempt another hustle than go get a job not suited for me or ask for money.

I don't have it in me right now for all the ground work that's required for rebuiding. As I type this I can't help but feel guilty for not executing on some of the ideas I've had to make shit work. To the best of how I can describe it, my mindset and ideas are boardroom, but I only know field. The problem is my knowledge of how to maneuver the field is not what gets you into the boardroom.

I find myself again as the tweener. Meaning developed enough for this level, yet small enough to still be tied to a lower level. I've been making such an effort of patience to see where to direct my fullest energy to. I paced back and forth yesterday again ranting how society tells someone to not feel as they may rather than provide what they vent of lacking.

I find myself confined to 3D ways even when feeling a higher state. The irony of all this is that I don't feel worried or pressured at all. I actually feel quite calm. Quite faithful. Just making as much as an effort as I can to envision and fruit that which I desire.

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